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Posted in Family, Moms and Dads, tagged Breastfeeding, Child, Diaper, Family, Harvey Karp, Parent, Tantrum, The Happiest Toddler on the Block: How to Eliminate Tantrums and Raise a Patient Respectful and Cooperative One- to Four-Year-Old: Revised Edition on April 23, 2012 | 3 Comments »
Today is my birthday…I have learned so much in my life and there is so much more to learn.
As I reflect back…there are things that I would have wanted to know before I had kids.
But I can’t lie, in many ways I am glad that I had to learn through experience and by sharing with my mother and by remembering the ways that my grandmother dealt with parenting issues since she was my ‘mom’ when my own mother was working.
Anyway, I post this today in celebration and thank you to all who have made this a Happy Birthday!
I read the above post today and I really did not enjoy it…maybe it was the language that was used ….perhaps, it was just that I did not relate to what this mom had to say at least, not in the way that she chose to say it.
What I can relate to, is the fact that looking back there is plenty that I personally wish I had known before having kids of my own.
But then again…may be knowing too much would have take away some of the joys that come with learning new things too late to use them in your own life but not too late to use these nuggets of knowledge with your grandchildren.
Here is my list of “Wish I Had Known…”
to be continued….
I could go on indefinitely.
However, the more I learn makes me realize how ‘simple’ my life was 30 years ago without the internet. It makes me appreciate the importance of my own mother’s understanding and help.
It was enough knowledge then…it had to be…
What things do you wish you had known before having kids?
Interesting reads of my week….enjoy.
I love taking pictures of all kinds of things…my favorite subjects are people especially babies. Babies are beautiful and photographing them with a telephoto lens can really capture some wonderful ‘shots’ without disturbing their moment. Here are some tips on photographing those tiny baby hands and feet….nothing cuter!
It’s an adorable way to share something precious and personal with your friends, family, and followers, especially if you haven’t published photos of your lil one’s face yet. Here are a few tips on getting a great shot of those tiny feet and hands to share on social media.
I don’t think I’m ready for finger pointing, and I’m starting to wonder — is sibling rivalry unavoidable? Are brothers destined to bicker with, resent, blame, ignore, irritate or annoy each other? Is fighting just part of the deal? Could it be that even having kids 12 years apart might not be enough to save us?
Remember the party hostess who warned me to not be sidelined by non-issues? Well she’s got to be feeling smug this week. You can’t listen to a newscast or read an item without an explosion of the Red versus Blue Mommy Wars.
I’m a pediatric urologist, and here’s my response to the parents of Izabella Oniciuc, the famous potty-trained 6-month-old: I know you are excited about your precocious pooper, but watch your daughter closely, because she may be headed for trouble.
Potty training is and has always been a topic up for discussion…after potty training two girls of my own and helping with my granddaughter, I feel comfortable saying that each child is different.
My statement, that each child is different in and of itself, is not earth shattering, But if you deeply believe that every child is unique it is my opinion that potty training will viewed as more of a natural process without the pressure that some parents feel with all the well meaning advice that they read and hear.
I think that this particular article has a lot to say to parents about some of the ideas that are ‘floating’ around potty training.
“My son wasn’t trained until he was 3.5 and it just clicked. My daughter is 3 and is giving me a hard time, but I have a feeling it will be the same way. Rest assured, they will not be going off to school still wearing diapers, so I don’t push it. There are more important things in life to stress over.”
Posted in Kids, Uncategorized, tagged Child, Family, Harvey Karp, Miami, Miami Zoo, Parent, Stress, Tantrum, The Happiest Toddler on the Block: How to Eliminate Tantrums and Raise a Patient Respectful and Cooperative One- to Four-Year-Old: Revised Edition on April 18, 2012 | 3 Comments »
Tantrums are not easy to deal with…even though you love your child and grandchild to the moon and back!
During a tantrum you might want to send them to the moon!
It sometimes can seem that they are possessed by something or someone when having a tantrum…but who or what has set this usually charming child into an uncontrollable rage?
We have experienced our share of tantrums in our house…and what I have learned as a grandmother I only wish that I knew as a mom of two children less than two years apart in age.
There is always one or two events that stand out in the family tantrum history…one was my own memory of tearing a newspaper to shreds when my working mother told me she had not brought me home anything from work that evening. I was not so much spoiled as I was unhappy that she forgotten about me. I was left alone until I calmed down and the paper was completely shredded.
With my own kids…the sentinel tantrum was one at the entrance to the Miami Zoo when my younger daughter did not want to go and see any animals. She was around 3 years old. We were hoping to have a family outing on a very hot Miami day.
I recall trying the old standby…”bye, we are leaving…you can stay here if you want”. Is that wishful thinking on the part of parents during a horrible tantrum.
Of course, nothing worked until she was ready to put her anger aside after what seemed an eternity. We then visited a pond where the resident Koi made us all laugh as they fought over food that visitors were encouraged to throw into theirwater. It was the Koi version of ‘Hunger Games“.
Usually temper tantrums and anger in children is induced by stress. Young children do not know how to handle stress and do not have the verbal skills to explain why they are so upset.
Even if they try to tell a grown up …commonly it is about something that many times parents do not have patience to listen to nor attempt to understand.
I am no different. At least I wasn’t when my kids were young.
Anger in children often comes from stress. Yes. Stress is part of a child’s life as much as it is a part of an adult’s life. Teaching a child how to handle stress is one of the best things we as parents can do for our children. A healthy dose of stress actually builds resilience …and optimism. At the same time, parents must also be aware that anger is a sign of child anxieties. There are ways to address child anxieties.
The most important thing to keep in mind when you’re faced with a child in the throes of a tantrum, no matter what the cause, is simple and crucial: Keep cool. Don’t complicate the problem with your own frustration. Kids can sense when parents are becoming frustrated. This can just make their frustration worse, and you may have an escalated tantrum on your hands. Instead, take deep breaths and try to think clearly. via Temper Tantrums.
Follow the Fast-Food Rule. This rule is simple: When your child is upset, you should take a lesson from the order-takers at a burger joint — always repeat back his “order” (what he wants) before you tell him your “price” (what you want). Toddlers who are in the middle of a meltdown are incapable of hearing our message (our reasons, reassurance, distraction or warning) until they’re sure we understand and respect their message. So when your tot is upset, before you mention your ideas, take a minute to sincerely describe what he’s doing and how you think he feels.
Janet Lansbury who writes her own blog has this to say to a mom regarding tantrums. In this particular situation there is a ‘new baby’ that a toddler is trying to accept.
Don’t feel responsible when your daughter doesn’t get her way and falls apart…. What she needs most of all (especially right now) are confident, stable, unruffled parents who project calm in the face of her storms (and the freedom you are giving her to have them).
Clarify the situation and make a plan. During more peaceful moments together, talk about life after new baby. Give her details about the changes that will occur, an imagined play-by-play of the day with the new baby. Be honest and realistic. Toddlers are way too perceptive to believe any whitewashing, and that won’t help her feel settled. Tell her that although you will be very busy taking care of the baby and not be available for her all the time, you’ll make sure she always gets what she needs (through daddy, grandma, etc.). Tell her that you two will have some special time together each day and maybe once (or twice) a week a special outing that she picks.
Then, later, when you are busy with the baby and she’s upset you can say to her calmly and confidently, “I know you want me to do such-in-such with you now, but I can’t. I know it’s hard to wait, but we will have our time together in an hour (or whatever). I’m looking forward to it.” She may have to keep testing that limit until she is certain you will hold your ground.
If you can make the outings work, I highly recommend them, even if you can only give her a choice between a walk down the street and a half-hour outing to the park. It’s not about what you do (or even the amount of time), just about being together. From my experience, those little one-on-one dates with your big girl will be very special, just the way dinner dates with a husband feel extra special once you’ve become parents.
Encourage her to process the feelings. Another thing to do in peaceful moments together is to check in with her about her feelings. The goal is not to get her to label them, but to assure her that anything and everything she is feeling is normal, expected, perfectly all right. You might put it this way, “When children have a baby brother or sister they have all kinds of feelings.
What do you find helpful when dealing with a tantrum?
How often does your little one have a ‘meltdown’?
I would be interested in hearing your personal experiences.
Friday the 13th…are you superstitious?
Interesting reads of my week….enjoy.
Ms Silverstone said she has no regrets about publicly portraying how she feeds Bear, her son with rock musician husband Chris Jarecki, even though many medical practitioners say it is unhygienic and can cause bacteria and viruses to be passed from mother to baby.
“The Good Wife” of the Master’s Golf Tournament! The dad dilemma over diapers and divots tournament…guess which of these won that match.
Interesting discussion about how sport celebs deal with parenthood and tournament schedules…their feelings on the subject of daddy dilemmas.
On March 28, Watson and his wife, Angie, announced that they had adopted a 1-month-old baby named Caleb. Suddenly, Watson found himself far, far more interested in being a new father than in returning to Augusta National. He told Angie that he wanted to come here later in the week, but she quickly shut that down. He said that she told him, “No, you need to come in here and practice like normal.”
How many habits can you say this about?
The habit of meditation is one of the most powerful things I’ve ever learned.Amazingly, it’s also one of the most simple habits to do — you can do it anywhere, any time, and it will always have immediate benefits.
Have a great weekend and if reading this in the U.S. don’t forget Monday is April 15th…taxes!
Titles are everything in the blogosphere …it can make a major difference in whether your post gets a “click” or not.
I had to click on the above post…the title caught me and here is what I thought about what I read…
The post was about feminism and the judging of moms which is rampant in the mom blogger arena. The mom judging is sometimes beyond a discussion…it can be an assault which in my opinion is very unprofessional, in addition to being unpleasant to read. This type of post puts me on the defensive…even to the point of wanting to defend the person or persons being attacked. I literally have to stop reading and refocus at times to not take sides until after finishing a post.
In the end, The Feminist Breeder certainly shredded a fellow writer’s post to make her point…I am not sure that her harshness was absolutely necessary to create a discussion on the hot topic. Her points were valid but focusing primarily on one feminist blogger did nothing for me coming over to her viewpoint.
Here is the link to the post in this discussion…http://thefeministbreeder.com/judging-moms-may-be-good-for-your-traffic-but-its-bad-for-your-feminism/
I would love to know what you think about blog bullying, assaults and attacks on bloggers by fellow bloggers.
Do you think assaults are necessary in some cases?
Are critical evaluations enough to generate good discussion?
Ainsley closed her eyes, as if to shut out the embarrassment. The ongoing quest to understand why her young body was turning into a woman’s was not one of Ainsley’s favorite pastimes. She preferred torturing her 6-year-old brother and playing school with the neighborhood kids. (Ainsley was always the teacher, and she was very strict.)
“Tummy time” and “Back to Sleep” weren’t part of the playbook when Ginny Fountain gave birth a generation ago. This expectant grandma’s got a lot to learn about newborns, which is how Fountain, 64, wound up in a grandparenting class offered earlier this month at a hospital in Seattle.
But listening is a growing problem for young children to the extent that preschools are now finding it necessary to “teach” listening in some Pre-K programs. A parent recently left this comment on my post A Baby Ready For Kindergarten, College And Life:
It amazed me, especially as I began to listen to parents while I was out shopping and running errands …but more importantly I began listening to myself as I spoke to my own granddaughter during any given day.
I say the “no” word more than I would like to admit.
The word “no” should have real meaning when you say it especially to a child. If you repeat the word “no” over and over it really loses its effectiveness when you really need a child to listen.
Here are some of my tips to fight over use of, “No” with toddlers.
One of the hardest times of the day with a toddler is just around dinner time…it is no different in our house. Usually there are several requests for cookies or something that will spoil her dinner. Instead of a curt “No..no crackers right now” which then turns into a whining match, this is my new response,
“I know you want some cookies but we are going to have dinner in just a little bit…can you help me get it ready? You can have some cookies after dinner”.
Sometimes this strategy buys a little time but it definitely takes the word “No” out of the conversation.
Lisa Sunbury has some 6 Tips to avoid the word “No”.
- Rephrase your request in a positive way: Instead of saying, “No, don’t run,” try, “Please walk inside.”
- Let your child know what he may do instead of telling him what he can’t do:
- Ask for your child’s help and thank him when he gets it right: Instead of, ”I said no yelling!” try lowering your own voice and saying, “Thank you for remembering to speak softly while your baby sister is sleeping.”
- Explain the reason for your request, and state what behavior you want to see instead: Instead of saying, “No, don’t________ ,” try stating, ”I want you to_____________ because__________.“ “No, don’t bang on the table,” becomes, “I want you to stop banging on the table because the sound it makes is loud, and it’s hurting my ears.”
- Use “sportscasting” to say what you see: Instead of saying, “No throwing food!” try saying, “You’re throwing your food. That tells me you’re done eating, so I am going to put the food away now.”
- If your child is hitting, kicking, or biting: Instead of saying, “No hitting/kicking/biting!” try saying, “Hitting/kicking/biting hurts! I won’t let you hit/kick/bite me. If you want to hit/kick/bite, you may hit the floor (or these pillows)/kick this ball/bite this teething ring.”
It takes on more meaning for me when I read this on Google and after reading Lisa’s post.
A UCLA survey from a few years ago reported that the average one year old child hears the word, No!, more than 400 times a day! You may, at first, think this must be an exaggeration but consider this…when we tell a toddler No! we usually say, No, no, no!.
Lisa Sunbury’s blog is a remarkable resource for parents and their children. It is my hope this post which includes only a snippet of her work with kids and parents inspires you to connect with her work.
Dads and Delivery…
When I read this dad’s post I felt kind of conflicted as to why he would not want to “cut the cord”. I thought it was because he was squeamish…but soon realized it had an all together different meaning to him after he watched his child being born.
What was your experience with your partner?
What do you think?
My second child, a daughter, was born two months ago. As my wife prepared to deliver the baby and the doctor readied the room, there was only one thing for me to do: remind everyone, once again, that I would not be cutting the umbilical cord.