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Posts Tagged ‘Harvey Karp’

Today is my birthday…I have learned so much in my life and there is so much more to learn.

As I reflect back…there are things that I would have wanted to know before I had kids.

But I can’t lie, in many ways I am glad that I had to learn through experience and by sharing with my mother and by remembering the ways that my grandmother dealt with parenting issues since she was my ‘mom’ when my own mother was working.

Anyway, I post this today in celebration and thank you to all who have made this a Happy Birthday!

10 Things I Wish I Knew Before Having Kids | The Stir.

I read the above post today and I really did not enjoy it…maybe it was the language that was used ….perhaps, it was just that I did not relate to what this mom had to say at least, not in the way that she chose to say it.

What I can relate to, is the fact that looking back there is plenty that I personally wish I had known before having kids of my own.

But then again…may be knowing too much would have take away some of the joys that come with learning new things too late to use them in your own life but not too late to use these nuggets of knowledge with your grandchildren.

Here is my list of “Wish I Had Known…”

  • Having a baby would change my life forever and ever…for me this was a good change.
  • Two children are more than double one and three is exponentially more than three and so on….
  • Two babies in diapers is TWO in diapers ….two in diapers cannot be that difficult is not a true statement.
  • Having kids close in age  is not necessarily  better…they will not necessarily be very close to each other nor friends.
  • Children are all different when it comes to toilet training
  • You can help your children to self-soothe themselves to sleep.
  • You should not establish a bedtime habit with your kids that you won’t want to continue until they graduate from high school.
  • You do not need to carry around guilt for a lifetime if you did not breast feed.
  • Pregnancies and deliveries are all different …
  • There are really good reasons to have to have a c-section.
  • Temper tantrums can be diffused…read “The Happiest Toddler on the Block by Dr. Harvey Karp.
  • Do not be the one to hold your child when they get ‘shots’ or any invasive procedures…be present only as support for hugs  and kisses afterwards.

to be continued….

I could go on indefinitely.

However, the more I learn makes me realize how ‘simple’ my life was 30 years ago without the internet. It makes me appreciate the importance of my own mother’s understanding and help.

It was enough knowledge then…it had to be…

What things do you wish you had known before having kids?

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NOTEWORTHY WEDNESDAY!

Temper Tantrums

Tantrums are not easy to deal with…even though you love your child and grandchild to the moon and back!

During a tantrum you might want to send them to the moon!

It sometimes can seem that they are possessed by something or someone when having a tantrum…but who or what has set this usually charming child into an uncontrollable rage?

We have experienced our share of tantrums in our house…and what I have learned as a grandmother I only wish that I knew as a mom of two children less than two years apart in age.

There is always one or two events that stand out in the family tantrum history…one was my own memory of tearing a newspaper to shreds when my working mother told me she had not brought me home anything from work that evening. I was not so much spoiled as I was unhappy that she forgotten about me. I was left alone until I calmed down and the paper was completely shredded.

With my own kids…the sentinel tantrum was one at the entrance to the Miami Zoo when my younger daughter did not want to go and see any animals. She was around 3 years old.  We were hoping to have a family outing on a very hot Miami day.

I recall trying the old standby…”bye, we are leaving…you can stay here if you want”. Is that wishful thinking on the part of parents during a horrible tantrum.

Of course, nothing worked until she was ready to put her anger aside after what seemed an eternity. We then visited a pond where the resident Koi made us all laugh as they fought over food that visitors were encouraged to throw into theirwater. It was the Koi version of ‘Hunger Games“.

Usually temper tantrums and anger in children is induced by stress. Young children do not know how to handle stress and do not have the verbal skills to explain why they are so upset.

Even if they try to tell a grown up …commonly it is about something that many times parents do not have patience to listen to nor attempt to understand.

I am no different. At least I wasn’t when my kids were young.

Anger in children often comes from stress. Yes. Stress is part of a child’s life as much as it is a part of an adult’s life. Teaching a child how to handle stress is one of the best things we as parents can do for our children. A healthy dose of stress actually builds resilience …and optimism. At the same time, parents must also be aware that anger is a sign of child anxieties. There are ways to address child anxieties.

via Anger in Children: Whats Normal and Whats Not!.

I am happy to report I am different with my granddaughter…thank you, Dr. Harvey Karp and your book, “Happiest Toddler on the Block

The most important thing to keep in mind when you’re faced with a child in the throes of a tantrum, no matter what the cause, is simple and crucial: Keep cool. Don’t complicate the problem with your own frustration. Kids can sense when parents are becoming frustrated. This can just make their frustration worse, and you may have an escalated tantrum on your hands. Instead, take deep breaths and try to think clearly. via Temper Tantrums.
Dr. Karp’s advice is simple and easy to follow. It is called the “fast food rule
Follow the Fast-Food Rule. This rule is simple: When your child is upset, you should take a lesson from the order-takers at a burger joint — always repeat back his “order” (what he wants) before you tell him your “price” (what you want). Toddlers who are in the middle of a meltdown are incapable of hearing our message (our reasons, reassurance, distraction or warning) until they’re sure we understand and respect their message. So when your tot is upset, before you mention your ideas, take a minute to sincerely describe what he’s doing and how you think he feels.

Janet Lansbury who writes her own blog has this to say to a mom regarding tantrums. In this particular situation there is a ‘new baby’ that a toddler is trying to accept.

Don’t feel responsible when your daughter doesn’t get her way and falls apart…. What she needs most of all (especially right now) are confident, stable, unruffled parents who project calm in the face of her storms (and the freedom you are giving her to have them).

Clarify the situation and make a plan. During more peaceful moments together, talk about life after new baby. Give her details about the changes that will occur, an imagined play-by-play of the day with the new baby.  Be honest and realistic.  Toddlers are way too perceptive to believe any whitewashing, and that won’t help her feel settled.  Tell her that although you will be very busy taking care of the baby and not be available for her all the time, you’ll make sure she always gets what she needs (through daddy, grandma, etc.). Tell her that you two will have some special time together each day and maybe once (or twice) a week a special outing that she picks.

Then, later, when you are busy with the baby and she’s upset you can say to her calmly and confidently, “I know you want me to do such-in-such with you now, but I can’t. I know it’s hard to wait, but we will have our time together in an hour (or whatever). I’m looking forward to it.”  She may have to keep testing that limit until she is certain you will hold your ground.

If you can make the outings work, I highly recommend them, even if you can only give her a choice between a walk down the street and a half-hour outing to the park. It’s not about what you do (or even the amount of time), just about being together. From my experience, those little one-on-one dates with your big girl will be very special, just the way dinner dates with a husband feel extra special once you’ve become parents.

Encourage her to process the feelings. Another thing to do in peaceful moments together is to check in with her about her feelings.  The goal is not to get her to label them, but to assure her that anything and everything she is feeling is normal, expected, perfectly all right.  You might put it this way, “When children have a baby brother or sister they have all kinds of feelings.

via Positive Parenting In The Tantrum Zone | Janet Lansbury.

What do you find helpful when dealing with a tantrum?

How often does your little one have a ‘meltdown’?

I would be interested in hearing your personal experiences.

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NOTEWORTHY WEDNESDAY!

“SECOND ADDITION”

Back in the day, an extended family of wise women would be around to reassure parents about weird gurgling noises, breastfeeding “latch,” and infant acne. But for most modern Americans, that wise old aunty comes in the form of a big fat baby book.

But which one? There are a lot out out there, but the 6 I’ve picked here will teach you what basic  things there are to know about babies and how to keep them safe, healthy and relatively happy.

via The 6 Best Baby Care Books | Being Pregnant.

It is often said that our children do not come with “owner’s manuals” like the ones we get when we bring home a new car.

In a way, this is a good thing but where do we go when we really need answers?

The internet…Barnes and Noble…or to our cellphone to call an experienced friend or better yet the pediatrician.

If you are looking for books on parenting here are a few of the best ones out there …already reviewed and recommended.

My personal choices include these plus….The Happiest Baby on the Block and The Happiest Toddler on the Block…both by Dr.Harvey Karp.

New parents and not so new parents… this one is for you.

Happy reading…

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