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Posts Tagged ‘Mother’

Mommy wars...very much in the news.

I have never really dwelled much on the external and internal ‘mommy wars’ that most of us moms experience daily.

Though lately, these ongoing cold wars have been hard to ignore.

In the past couple of weeks SAHM(stay at home moms) were criticized when Mitt Romney‘s wife came under fire for being a SAH privileged mother who could not relate to working moms, who were in the workforce because they had bills which they could not pay if they did not work.

SAHM are accused of not working…or at least not balancing a job outside the home. Working mothers are seen as more fiscally aware. It is women against women in this seemingly never ending battle.

This is not the only ongoing ‘mommy war’.

There are several other mommy wars being waged… the breastfeeding moms vs. the formula feeding moms…the attached moms vs. the not so attached moms…the cry it out sleep training moms v.s the co-sleeping moms …women against women.

If these wars aren’t enough, now there is a book on the real and virtual shelves examining another woman’s war.

It is the internal war that moms face in the age of too much information and the pressure bombarded upon themselves from all that information.

It seems moms are warring with each other trying to be  “natural” mothers …cloth diapers, elimination communication, breast-feeding until their child is in school and so on. These moms seem to be warring within themselves as well… the natural mom vs. the feminist mom.

” If we absorb a message that to breastfeed on demand, to protect one’s children from all dubious chemical exposures, and to take on full responsibility for their physical and psychological health at all times are crucial to our children’s well-being, then does that message also push women away from the work force, and back into the realm of home and family?

Motherlode Book Club: Elisabeth Badinters The Conflict. Has Motherhood Replaced Sexism in Oppressing Women? – NYTimes.com.

It is the war to end all wars, the one ‘to have everything and do everything not just well but perfectly well’.

Elisabeth Badinter’s book, “The Conflict: How Modern Motherhood Undermines the Status of Women,” is guaranteed to feed that fire. Not only does she believe that the best course of action for any woman, no matter what her maternal status, is to stay in the work force, but she also argues that the women who have chosen to do otherwise have essentially been sold a bill of goods.Influenced and deceived by the modern natural-parenting movement — with its labor-intensive breastfeeding, cloth diapering, and requirement that infants be properly stimulated and nurtured at all times — mothers “choose” to stay home because if they do not, they cannot meet the standards of this new ideal.

via Motherlode Book Club: Elisabeth Badinters The Conflict. Has Motherhood Replaced Sexism in Oppressing Women? – NYTimes.com.

One of the worst failures of feminism has been its tendency to alienate men. Ms. Badinter sees men as the victors and women as the victims of this trend, but women are the perpetrators and both mothers and fathers are losers.

via Book Review: The Conflict – WSJ.com.

Are we mothers and women so conflicted about our roles that we are victims of our own internal war?

Are we being undermined by Modern Motherhood?

I am one of those  women who tried to have it all…I thought as a nurse I would be able to accomplish this because I would always be employable. For numerous reasons that was the case … due to relocating three times, caring for my own family…caring for my elderly mother, and caring for my own health needs. Reasons beyond my control took me out of the workforce on and off for the last thirty years.

I was also not a warrior feminist. I fully supported women’s rights but not to the point of alienating men.

I worked primarily with physicians, who were mostly men in the early 70’s. In fact I married one, whom I met in the workplace. It was a different world at that time in NYC.

Fortunately, back in my day…in the NYC academic hospital settings nurses and doctors were encouraged to work in a collegial atmosphere so it was not necessary, at least in my eyes, to draw territorial lines and assert myself as a feminist. It was simple…I needed to be the best professional nurse I could be and respect in the workplace followed.

Now I know this was not the case for most other women in the workplace at that time…I did not have to look far to find women who were suffering. My mother was a single parent and never experienced equality in the workplace…which was one of the deciding factors in my decision to become a Bachelor’s degree prepared nurse at a time when they were few and far between.

I was very young…our country was at war (Vietnam) and there were anti-war protests everywhere…it was a time when you had to pick your battles.

Today the ‘mommy wars’ disturb me immensely because I see women fighting among themselves and thus weakening what could be a very strong alliance. I guess I am older and hopefully somewhat wiser.

Can we not as women accept other women’s choices and focus on the real issues at hand?

Wouldn’t a change in attitude serve our children just as well and enable us all to be ‘natural moms’ and feminists in one way or another?

Just some thoughts…

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Interesting reads of my week….enjoy.

I love taking pictures of all kinds of things…my favorite subjects are people especially babies. Babies are beautiful and photographing them with a telephoto lens can really capture some wonderful ‘shots’ without disturbing their moment. Here are some tips on photographing those tiny baby hands and feet….nothing cuter!

It’s an adorable way to share something precious and personal with your friends, family, and followers, especially if you haven’t published photos of your lil one’s face yet. Here are a few tips on getting a great shot of those tiny feet and hands to share on social media.

I don’t think I’m ready for finger pointing, and I’m starting to wonder — is sibling rivalry unavoidable? Are brothers destined to bicker with, resent, blame, ignore, irritate or annoy each other? Is fighting just part of the deal? Could it be that even having kids 12 years apart might not be enough to save us?

Remember the party hostess who warned me to not be sidelined by non-issues? Well she’s got to be feeling smug this week. You can’t listen to a newscast or read an item without an explosion of the Red versus Blue Mommy Wars.

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http://thefeministbreeder.com/judging-moms-may-be-good-for-your-traffic-but-its-bad-for-your-feminism/

Titles are everything in the blogosphere …it can make a major difference in whether your post gets a “click” or not.

I had to click on the above post…the title caught me and here is what I thought about what I read…

The post was about feminism and the judging of moms which is rampant in the mom blogger arena. The mom judging is sometimes beyond a discussion…it can be an assault which in my opinion is very unprofessional, in addition to being unpleasant to read. This type of post puts me on the defensive…even to the point of wanting to defend the person or persons being attacked. I literally have to stop reading and refocus at times to not take sides until after finishing a post.

In the end, The Feminist Breeder certainly shredded a fellow writer’s post to make her point…I am not sure that her harshness was absolutely necessary to create a discussion on the hot topic. Her points were valid but focusing primarily on one feminist blogger did nothing for me coming over to her viewpoint.

I do not see any of this going away soon…in general, it seems that readers and watchers like cat fighting, it is like blog bullying with no real reasons behind the assaults or criticisms.

Here is the link to the post in this discussion…http://thefeministbreeder.com/judging-moms-may-be-good-for-your-traffic-but-its-bad-for-your-feminism/

I would love to know what you think about blog bullying, assaults and attacks on bloggers by fellow bloggers.

Do you think assaults are necessary in some cases?

OR

Are critical evaluations enough to generate good discussion?

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NOTEWORTHY WEDNESDAY!

Single parents can be the best…and their children can flourish.

I admit to being bias in this discussion… my mother was a single parent.

She was divorced from my father, she worked and had the help of my grandmother…who was the “stay at home mom“.

My “Nana” was always home for me while my mother was working two jobs to make ends meet. I did homework with my mom on the telephone… I remember her teaching me fractions.

I knew things were different in my home but I never felt deprived even though I went to a private school where my friends were kids who lived in houses with big backyards…they had their own rooms and their moms were able to participate in school activities…they had dads that came home at night and had dinner with them. My life was different but not deprived

Although there were other single moms in our apartment building…I would not say that the ones I knew considered themselves role models…they were all struggling to keep life moving along smoothly for their kids.

But these women were my role models…I learned from these women that moms could hold a family together…they could work and be moms at the same time.

Grandmothers and aunts and uncles were important too…the extended family was present and accounted for.

In the 50’s and 60’s single moms did not draw attention to themselves…there were so many reasons for this…religion and in my mother’s life Catholicism was one big factor. The Church frowned on and condemned divorce. She was a practicing Catholic.

A single parent support system outside of the extended family was minimal as there was no internet or social media. So lets hear it for social media as a plus for keeping single parents connected.

If moms were breathing they got custody in divorce decisons…shared custody was unheard of…I saw my father on the weekends…we had lunch and visited with the “other grandparents”.

But my role models were my grandmother and my mother…both of whom showed me that women were strong…selfless…and could love and take care of children without a dad in the house.

I support single parenthood and I admire women who choose to raise their children without a significant other.

High fives to all of you.

I am including an excerpt from Christine Coppa, a single mom, who writes about her adventures raising her son. She is a seriously concerned mom and writes with a great sense of responsibility and humor. You can find her on Facebook and blogging. Also check out her book “Rattled”.

Single parents and their kids can flourish, and there are plenty of examples to prove it. Make a list of single parents—or children raised by a single parent—who inspire you, and refer to it when you’re having a rough day. Some of the people on my list include President Obama, who was raised by his single mom and grandparents; President Clinton, who was brought up primarily by his mom; and actress Bridget Moynahan, who went through her pregnancy alone after splitting from Patriots quarterback Tom Brady. I’m not just inspired by celebrities though; my real life friend Matt who blogs at mattlogelin.com about unexpected single fatherhood is another confidence booster for me. Seeing all of these success stories and many more unfold before my eyes is proof that single parenthood is not only manageable, but an incredible gift that allows me to shape my son into a wonderful human being.

If you need more inspiration, check out the book Holding Her Head High: 12 Single

via Help for Single Mothers – Single Parenting Advice – Parenting.com.

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A Brooklyn Gallery was the chosen “birthing center” for this performance artist. It seems that the mom, who is an artist, delivered her son in the Gallery where she set up a birthing space similar to a home setting. It was her first baby and it seems that all went well with her labor and delivery.

As a maternal child nurse, I am always amazed when a woman chooses to deliver at home…because of my medical experience…I am afraid of “home births” no matter how well attended and how well planned they are.

But I do respect a mother’s choice…I recommend seeking an excellent support system and preparing a viable back-up plan should the unforeseen happen.

I am reserving my thoughts about the Brooklyn Gallery birth and whether or not it is life as art…I do find it fascinating that a woman would choose to share her experience in this way.

I never consciously thought about the art of birthing when I was assisting moms during labor and delivery…although I was always conscious that nursing care was an art and a science.

For me as a nurse, being present and assisting in the delivery of a baby was no less than a miracle each and every time.

I hope that those who see this exhibit in Brooklyn experience a little of that feeling.

The performance artist Marni Kotak gave birth to healthy 9 pound baby boy, Ajax, in front of a gallery audience yesterday.

via Performance Artist Births a Healthy Boy in a Brooklyn Gallery, as Planned | Being Pregnant.

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NOTEWORTHY WEDNESDAY!

Lunch Notes…Just some random thoughts…

With my morning coffee I read this article on lunch notes…

Yet another thing to make moms feel guilty.

If they are not putting notes in their kids’ lunches…their kids may feel left out.  Oh no!

Worse yet… they may feel that their moms don’t care enough about them to buy a pre-written note to stick in their bento box.

I have to admit…

for fun, I used to cut my kids’ sandwiches into heart shapes…I had some free time and thought it would be cute.

I was operating out of  guilt because…OMG… I worked, teaching nursing and had to leave very early in the morning…before my girls were even out of bed.

There were no cell phones to text …so… I had to use hearts and notes left with their breakfasts as a way to make them forgive me for not being present during every their every waking moment.

What was their reaction to this???

Not  exactly what I thought it would be.

“Lame”…I think was the word  they often used in the 80’s to describe some of my thoughtful moments.

What has changed since then…to make notes cool and competitive?

I am not sure…but what I want to know…is..

Are you sending notes to school in your child’s lunch?

and if you are …why?

and honestly…what are your children’s reactions???

The lunch-box note used to be an occasional smiley face on scratch paper. Now it’s an elaborate fixture of the school cafeteria. Some kids complain when they don’t get a lunch note. Or they may compare lunch notes with friends. Parents hear about it when their efforts fall short.

via Lunch Notes Get Crafty, as Parents Design—Or Buy—Motivational Messages – WSJ.com.

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